How to spice up your sex life？

Expert tips for a happier, stronger bond with your partner.

In the early stages of a relationship, when you can't take your hands off the other person, a powerful mix of chemical forces in your brain fuels you -- testosterone and estrogen create desire, while dopamine, norepinephrine and Serotonin creates attraction. But chemical baths don't last forever, and when the orgasm wears off, some couples find they need to take steps to spice up their once-passionate sex lives.

Before you start trying to spice things up, consider the intent behind it. "Often we want to 'spice things up' for a reason, and that reason is usually emotional; we want to evoke different feelings -- to feel excited, to feel needed, to feel naughty and to feel alive," Sex and Relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell says wellness. "Think about how you want to feel, and from there think about the environment that allows that to happen. The environment is often more exciting than the activity."

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Feeling pressured to be your best sex or worrying about not taking risks enough is common. "Most of us have sex education from pop culture — romantic comedies, pop songs, social media, erotica and porn. Those are great for the imagination, but they don't help with our execution," Dar Nell explained. That's where these expert tips come in to spice up your sex life.

spice up foreplay

To make foreplay more exciting, think back to your adolescence. First, kissing is the key. "Kissing can help you bond more with your partner, increase libido and arousal, and reduce stress and anxiety," Shelby Sells, sex, love and life coach and resident expert at WOO More Play, tells Wellness.

Sells' next tip will also take you back to those exciting teen years. "Grind like 2005!" she advises. "Dry humping mimics the feeling of intercourse and builds more intimacy between partners." Her final foreplay skills may not be your most important in high school, but if you add it to your agenda, Your sex life will benefit. "Erotic massage can encourage two people to make the most of their senses, relax and explore the pleasures of the body," she says.

For SKYN Sex & Intimacy expert, certified sex coach, sexologist and author Gigi Engle, foreplay is no rush. It deserves time and attention. "If you want to have exciting sex, double or triple the amount of foreplay time you put in," she told Health. It's not about setting a timer - the point is not to see foreplay as a means to an end. "Getting out of bed and getting dirty as soon as possible may sound amazing, but without proper lubrication, you could end up with dryness, minor tearing, and less chance of orgasm," she says.

When it comes to stimulating your partner with your hands, Sells says lube is key. "It's a great tool to help foreplay last longer while also preventing painful friction," she explains. "Lube increases sensitivity and adds more fun to manual sex." Instead of reaching out to touch your partner, try touching yourself first. "Watching your partner touch you -- and vice versa -- can be very erotic," she adds.

If you do want to stimulate your partner, sometimes a soft touch is more exciting than a forceful, quick touch. "If you're touching your clitoris, try moving in a consistent circle, right to left or up and down," Engel says. "You can try direct or indirect clitoral touch, depending on your partner's sensitivity." Consider using thin and soft touches. The fabric irritates the clitoris, or touches around the vulva, but not the clitoris itself.

Foreplay is more than just physical action; it's also a great opportunity to talk to your partner about their mood or what they'd like to try. "Opening up about what excites you will not only lead your partner into the right territory, but talking about it can have a huge impact on libido," explains Engel. "Ask and you'll get it, after all."

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A simple positional change, like having oral sex outside the bedroom, can make it feel more adventurous and pay big dividends in terms of feel. Sells also recommends trying a toy, such as a cock ring or vibrator. Instead of confusing rhythms and patterns, find a consistent touch and stick to it so your partner can get into the groove, Engel suggests — whether it's a steady up-and-down movement on the clitoris or penis, or the body's eight vortex piercings over the vulva or testicles.

Paying attention to your partner's physical cues will help you take your speaking game to the next level. "If your partner shoves her vulva into your face and moans, you can be pretty sure what you're doing is working.