Rough sex

 

Rough sex: what it is, why some people like it, and how to do it safely？

Many sex-related activities and habits are controversial, including rough sex. But not everyone wants it to be slow and sexy all the time. What is commonly referred to as "rough sex" can include a range of things, depending on how you specifically turn it on.

What does rough sex mean

"When people talk about 'rough sex,' they usually mean there's an element of pain involved, their physical sexual energies are invoked, and expect something potentially unusual to happen," says Marla Renee Stewart, Lovers Sexual Health Brand and The retailer's sexologist, told Health.

Basically, if you want to rough it up, it's how you do things - not necessarily what you do. American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)-certified sex educator and ACS-certified sexologist Barbara Carrellas told Health: Any pornography in a slow and sensual way — or fast, hard and rough.”

The rough end of sexual activity and posture might include role-playing, restraint, biting, fingernail picking, hard sex, hard oral sex or kissing, and anything violent that you can do with your hands — like slapping, hair, Carrellas says, Pulling, hitting, grabbing, pushing and ripping off clothing.

BDSM is short for bondage, domination, sadism and masochism, and also falls under the category of rough sex. The same goes for any sexual activity that involves some level of danger, risk, or aggression — even if it's not a physical attack but more about aggressive language, such as giving or following orders.

When rough sex crosses the line

Distinguishing between rough sex and sexual assault is important because there is overlap. "The main difference is consent and pleasure -- sexual assault is never consensual, but rough sex is always," explains Carreras. "While rough sex is always about pleasure, sexual assault is never about pleasure."

The nuances between the two mean that rough sex is a carefully negotiated power exchange, taking into account what the recipient is excited about and what the giver is eager to give. "For example, you can't just agree to hit someone without knowing where it is physically safe to do so, and how to do it without causing harm," Carrellas said.

Likewise, if you're doing edgy roleplaying, you need to know if your partner has any past traumas related to roleplaying and be prepared to deal with emotional triggers.

Stewart says it's a good idea to have these conversations even if you haven't been traumatized in the past. "You don't want to be traumatized by sexual encounters," she explained. She always advises her clients to talk about it outside the bedroom, and if you're very shy, say "I have a friend who really likes rough sex. What do you think about rough sex? Have you ever thought about trying it before?" "

That way, you can get an idea of ​​what your partner might like or dislike, and then you can get an idea of ​​what rough sex is for both of you — which takes the guesswork out of it, Stewart explains.

How to Try Rough Sex Safely

If you're new to rough sex, Stewart says scratching and biting is a good place to start. "Most people are familiar with the feeling of a scratch, and nibbling can take a step from there," she said. "You can always increase the amount of scratching and bite strength according to your partner's needs."

Despite being rife with depictions of rough sex in ads and movies, it is still seen as edgy or off-limits. So it's easy to feel weird about expressing your desire for it. Remember, if you like rough sex (or the idea of ​​it), you don't want perverted or wrong--a lot of other guys want it too. "Try not to judge yourself, don't apologize for speaking out about your desires, and don't assume your lover will think you're crazy and reject you," Carreras said. She recommends starting with things you already do and love, like being held down during sex, or pulling your hair during blowjob.

After that, it's just one example of letting your imagination take over. Ask yourself, what will happen before or after that? What else sounds hot? If you're shy or not sure what you're into, Carrellas recommends reading some erotic fiction for inspiration, then sharing the best stories with your sweetheart, underlining the parts you feel are really hot. Or find pictures you want to try and send them to your partner.

If you want to do something but aren't sure how to do it safely, Carrellas recommends contacting a BDSM support group (online or in person) and looking for someone willing to show you how to do it properly and safely. “A lot of people enjoy rough sex and power exchanges , they will be happy！